4th October 2011
Something happens to me in the fall.
It's my favorite time of year - grilling moves aside for slow roasting and baking, I trade in my flips for boots, I pack away those shorts that I hate and pull out my favorite sweaters and jeans and skirts. And most of all, COATS!
Meanwhile, I always feel a tiny bit anxious in the fall. (I recently learned to identify the feeling of anxiety. I lived 30 years on this earth before I figured out what to call that almost queasy, vague, unsettled feeling that, when I was a kid, I associated with being homesick or in trouble. And then I realized I feel that way A LOT.)
The reasons are varied - maybe it's all the beautiful fall fashions I see everywhere I look.
Whoa. How can I not feel a tiny bit panicky when clothes like this have stepped straight out of my mountain fairy tale? And they cost like one million dollars?
Not to mention the boots.
I just coughed and gasped at the same time. I'm glad you couldn't hear it. It's not the prettiest sound I've ever made.
On top of my own wants and needs (fantastic or no), there are those of the rest of the family. Our schedule has gotten a little more demanding than it's been, Christmas is looming on the horizon, fall chores need to be done, we're experiencing a little uncertainty in the vision/life-direction department...Throw in a dash of financial pressure and a handful of questions without answers, and we've got a perfect recipe for anxiety.
I'm far enough along in this whole living business to know that when I'm more aware of lack than abundance, it's time to refocus and look at things a little differently. So this morning I took a cruise through iPhoto and found some things.
These were taken in the fall of 2008. Caleb had just gotten laid off, and we weren't sure how in the world we were going to make ends meet. But remarkably, when I think of that time, I don't remember the stress nearly as much as the absolute certainty that we would be taken care of.
2 years later, in the fall of 2010, with a new little person in our family! Still uncertain, and still being taken care of.
(What? You're welcome.)
And here we are, Fall 2011, with more reasons to be grateful than ever. I think these might be those heavenly treasures - you know, the ones that gently push away my anxiety and replace it with awe.