Do you have those moments too? Those who do I think I am to get to have these kids and this life and these things to make it all better moments?
I know it isn't exactly cool to talk about stuff. You know, the stuff we buy that we like that makes our lives easier or more fun or prettier or...easier. Like a Kitchenaid stand mixer or a new computer whose case isn't cracked and dirty and that actually works and doesn't blink that our startup disk is full every time we ask it to do its job. But we still like the stuff. We still scrape our dollars together and buy it. And we talk in hushed tones about how much we love it, because, apparently, it's not okay to say it out loud.
But I'm just going to.
Of all the many times I've been overwhelmed by the Things I get to have, the one I most clearly remember was the moment Caleb and I drove home in our minivan. And loaded our brand new double stroller into the gigantic cargo space. I wondered, "Who do I think I am?"
He was a baby. 6 months old. And I'd been strapping him into a front pack every time I went somewhere, because, turns out, a Toyota Echo's trunk is not large enough to accomodate a double stroller of any variety.
I took my two kids to the zoo in my minivan with automatic doors and unloaded my double stroller that I could steer with one hand, and I thought, "Who do I think I am?"
She was 2 years old, and couldn't be trusted to navigate Fred Meyer on her own. She had to be contained in the shopping cart.
Tonight she's sleeping over with her cousins, and we feel weird without her. We miss her handing out little pictures of hearts who love each other, and snuggling whilst surreptitiously sucking her fingers. Her brother came upstairs a few extra times after being tucked in to tell us his room's too dark and he's thirsty, which we all know is code for, "I miss Sissy."
Meanwhile, I am sitting here staring at a brand new computer screen, next to a beautiful camera. I know next to nothing about photography, but I can tell this camera is really great. I mean, I can actually hear the shutter doing its thing when I take a picture. (See? You can rely on me for lots of technical info.) And this new computer looks ridiculously sophisticated for our little family. It's actually a little intimidating. But it claims to have enough storage space to accomodate my husband's vast music library (When we started copying our music from our old computer, the estimated wait time started at 'about 2 days'). And it's so pretty.
Who do I think I am?